Monday, June 02, 2008

An Open Letter To Clay Aiken

Dear Clay,

We know you are gay. This is an indisputable fact. Our gaydar is flapping off the charts every time you appear on the TV screen. You are gay and there has practically never been anyone gayer. Here's the deal, though, dude. We don't effing care that you are gay. The only reason we feel compelled to bring it up is because you so adamantly deny it, and it's so obvious that you ARE! Well, I for one have had enough. You wear makeup. You claim to be celibate. You are spawning a child through artificial insemination. You look more and more like Liza Minnelli every day.

So, Clay, please. Embrace your gay-itude. Be as gay as you can be -- which, could you be more gay? It's arguable. But seriously. If you don't just let all your gayness hang out, I fear you're in for real trouble. You're heading the way of the Boy Georges and the Michael Jacksons of the world (which -- Michael Jackson did the artificial insemination thing, too! Need I say more?). Soon you'll be wearing strange hats and dangling your quasi-children from hotel balconies and keeping your "friend" chained to the radiator for a weekend and it will all seem completely normal to you.

Please come out. Save some face while you still can.



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