Friday, May 09, 2008

Jessica? Ummmm ... Jessica?!

I took a two hour lunch break today because no one else was in the damn office and I was depressed and needed to go to the mall anyway to find my mom a Mother's Day gift. So I was trying on a shirt at Ann Taylor Loft (which is having a pretty sweet sale today. Macy's is also having a 1-day sale today), and although the shirt said it was my size, the sleeves were for a person with much smaller arms, someone probably half my size. I shoved my arms into them anyway. And then they became like those Chinese finger traps, where the harder you pull, the harder it is to get your fingers out. Except it was my fat arms, trapped in synthetic cloth, and I was waving my elbows frantically in the air, trying to get the damn thing off. While I was trapped, I had a fantasy (what would you call a daytime nightmare?) about needing to ask the helpful fitting room clerk, who'd informed me that her name was Jessica, to please bring me some butter and rope, and perhaps a shoe horn. Thankfully, after some more red-faced tugging, the shirt popped off.

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