Monday, March 31, 2008

Head in the clouds

I have this sometimes-fantasy about being a backup singer. Usually this fantasy rolls around when the radio is on. I could never actually be a backup singer, and I don't truly want to be one. It's just one of those occassional dreams, like when I fantasize about telling my boss something I would not ever actually tell her or when I create imaginary scenarios in my head (they're usually quite dramatic) and work myself up to the point where I'm on the verge of tears and need to bring myself back to reality.

When I think of my tendency to fantasize, it reminds me of one of my grade-school teacher's comments on my report card - "MOAM has a tendency to daydream." I'd often bust out pencil and paper, start doodling, and then, completely unconsciously, start humming loudly.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Oh, my eyes

A new movie review -- "The Darjeeling Limited"

It's the worst movie I've seen in a while. Don't bother. Despite the all-star cast, the script was so ... desolate. The characters were empty. I'm sure I wasn't grasping what they were trying to impart. It's by Wes Anderson, who also did "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou," and "The Royal Tenenbaums." Of the three, only "Tenenbaums" has any redeeming value.

For a better movie, rent "No Country For Old Men," which you're all surely tired of having critics bash you over the head with by now. It's good, although dark. I think perhaps the author (originally it was a book), Cormac McCarthy, just writes dark stuff? I'm not sure, as I've only read one of his books ("The Road"), and that was extremely dark, although it's in my Top 5 books, of all time. Right up there with "Bird by Bird," and "Jitterbug Perfume." What a group.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


So I read this blog written by a devout woman who has just undergone a mastectomy. She is amazing. I've been tempted to comment on a couple of her entries, but I'm refraining because no matter what, it won't sound right. Anyway, this morning I read her latest entry. She talked about accepting God's plan for you, whether seemingly good or bad. She feels it is all with purpose. Certainly, I agree that each experience, every day, shapes who we are. I just wonder at what seems to be an unfair hand dealt to some people.

At any rate, I'd thanked God twice today before even getting out of bed. The first time was at 12:45 a.m., when I realized I didn't have to get up for work yet. The second time was at 5:45 a.m., when I realized the same thing.

Monday, March 24, 2008

If only we were exhibitionists

Oh, the utter indignity of apartment living. It's one thing to have to drag one's laundry across the complex or be restricted from owning so much as one small cat, but it's entirely another to have one's bodily functions advertised to the neighbors. This morning, Hubs had the strange experience of listening to our next door neighbor curse at his bladder as he apparently struggled with a kidney stone. This is our guess. We have no way of actually knowing what his problem was, only that it sounded extremely painful.

At any rate, this brought to mind our thin walls and the fact that our neighbors probably think we are insane, what with all of the horsing around, cursing, and tickle fights. Not to mention the occasional personal body noise that might escape.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Dance, sandwich man, dance!

I believe I've mentioned this before, but there's a man dressed as a sandwich who stands on First Street in San Jose near Specialty's Deli, and every time I drive by (which is frequent), that guy is dancing his ass off. No matter what kind of mood I'm in, it always makes me smile.

I'm not sure where this particular dancing sandwich man is located, but I believe it's a Specialty's thing to have dancing sandwich guys. And, by the way, they've got some pretty great food. So I guess this advertising thing is working.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I'll fly away, oh glory...

These days online newspapers allow any schmuck to comment on any story, and you'd better believe that most of the people who are taking the time to comment are pretty much morons. I first started reading reader comments several months ago, after I read a story about a homeless man who was murdered in my neighborhood. One neighbor's comment was extremely insulting -- he negated the importance of the man's murder and felt traffic on his street was of more importance and should be reported on first. Nowadays I can't even read these idiots' comments because I just find it frustrating. But occassionally there'll be an odd little story and I'll become curious as to what the reader comments say. Today, I read a story about a macaw that flew away from its owners and was found 80 miles from home. Here are the reader comments:

Take care of your macaw and your macaw will take care of you

Posted 3/18/2008 10:50:21 AM

Anyone seen my ex-wife?

Posted 3/18/2008 11:08:39 AM

I lost a mini macaw over five years ago. It only takes a second if they are not clipped. I have my grey parrot clipped and had an ID chip implanted. Hopefully, she will never get lost, but if something should happen, chances of return increase with the chip. Nice that these folks are reunited with their 'baby'.

Posted 3/18/2008 11:13:57 AM

well that's a nice story. A good break from Iraq, the tedious democratic nomination race and the sagging economy

Posted 3/18/2008 11:31:23 AM

Macaw. The other white meat.

Posted 3/18/2008 12:04:48 PM

What about what the bird wants? Obviously the bird doesn't want to be holed up in a dinky cage to be gawked at by a little boy and given the title "pet". I'm sure the bird loves the indoor enviroment they were forced upon rather then living free in the rainforest.

Posted 3/18/2008 12:37:55 PM

Macaw fried rice anyone?

Posted 3/18/2008 12:51:45 PM

Monday, March 17, 2008

They couldn't find any decent American bachelors...

So they got one from England!

Here's my synopsis: 27-year-old Brit makes fool of self with 25 shameless bachelorettes, eliminates 10.

Those remaining (all contestants have been nicknamed by myself and BK after people I personally know or people on television/the public eye or by their mannerisms):

Young Helen Hunt
LeAnn Rimes
Chelsea Clinton
Rock of Love (she looks like she should be a Rock of Love contestant)
Little Teeth
Tranny 1
Smoker Voice
Blair from Facts of Life
Queen of Sheba
Snow White
Tranny 2
Ice Skater

Those who were eliminated:

Jo from Facts of Life
Windy City
Nancy O'Dell
Faith Hill
HR chick from my company

There are others I neglected to name due to lack of standout-iveness.

Stay tuned. The Bachelor is on on Monday nights, ya'll.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

How charming

Wow, not even 6 days pass and I'm already breaking my promise to myself to blog daily. Well, I'm only human, after all.

Today we plan to tour open houses, which we do practically every weekend. One of three emotions usually results: Profound disappointment, idiotic hopefulness, and utter disgust. Yesterday was an utter disgust kind of day. We looked at a house that used to be a care facility. It hit a little too close to home and reminded us of B's grandma's facility. Gross. Another place had a terrible add-on and resulted in windows looking out into other rooms. Shoddy.

Anyway, I mentioned to B today that one of my biggest pet peeves about looking at homes in our preferred, and likely unrealistic, neighborhood is that many of the fliers say, "Willow Glen Charmer!" How many charmers can there really be? According to the realtors, practically every one is a "charmer." My other favorite: "Contractor's delight!" Read: "Warning -- major fixer-upper!"

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I wanna be sedated

Doctors always seem to quick to write prescriptions. At least, mine do. They're like, oh yeah you should take this and that and then come back and see me later and we'll see how you're doing. I guess I could always put my foot down and say no, I don't want to take any of these, but I realize some of the meds are actually beneficial. Others (there are a total of 6 prescriptions as of this week. What am I -- 80?!) are definitely in the gray zone for me. I could take them or leave them.

So anyway, today my blood pressure is sky high at my regular doctor and perfectly normal at the ob/gyn. One doctor wants me on blood pressure meds, the other is shaking her head and wondering why I am such a spaz. Actually, they're probably both wondering why I'm such a spaz. What can I say? I spaz, therefore, I am.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Viva Dingy Stairwell

The stairs in the garage at my job remind me of Las Vegas. They are filthy (and aren't all garage stairs filthy? Impossible to keep clean, I think) and the stairwell always smells like cigarettes. I somewhat wistfully think of blinking lights, crowds of scantily clad hos and men wearing too much cologne, greasy buffets and killer hangovers. Ah, Vegas.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Is this what heaven is like?

Although I've worn eyeglasses for many years now, it wasn't until today that I had my eyes dilated for the first time. My guess is the doctors were perturbed with having to wrestle my eyelids apart simply to place numbing drops in my eyes and didn't feel like repeating the process with dilating solution. Anyway after a few remarks from the doctor about a bump on my eye caused by the sun (wear your sunglasses, people!) and something about enlarged corneas, I was dismissed and sent stumbling in the harsh daylight to my car. I put on my sunglasses and pretty much drove back to work strictly by memory. I'd have been lost in a different city. At any rate, I thought that once I was indoors I'd be ok, but the glow of the fluorescent lights was so white hot I was getting a halo effect and couldn't stand it. So now I am sitting at my computer, wearing sunglasses. I am so cool.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Shark vs. Eagle

I realized I've been a neglectful blogger, so I hereby resolve, on this first Monday after "springing" forward, to blog daily, whether the blogging is quality or not.

Last night we watched "Eagle vs. Shark," a sort of love story involving a couple of mental retards. It was entertaining. By the way, I realize I just said "mental retards," and that is probably not a politically correct way of saying mentally challenged or whatever. I've been thinking about the word "retard" since last night, when I was reading a Vanity Fair article about funny women in Hollywood. Sarah Silverman is quoted as saying in her TV show, "You're so gay!" And then saying to her gay friends, "I didn't mean gay like homosexual. I meant gay like retarded." So I'm sorry, slap me, but I think that is hilarious.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

What's that smell?

So I've been eating this new packaged oatmeal at work in the mornings, it's maple and brown sugar flavored or something. It's decent, but the really strange thing about it is that it smells really, really strongly of maple and manages to make the entire office smell like pancakes. I work in a pretty big office and there are about 30 people who sit within pencil-throwing distance. Ever since I started eating this stuff, people have been wandering around asking, "What's that smell? It smells like syrup!" I haven't fessed up yet. And also, strangely, the oatmeal has the effect of making ME smell like syrup, all day long. Hugging my husband later in the day, he'll sniff my hair and comment on its new, sweet breakfast smell.