Monday, July 30, 2007

Fire in the hole

Tonight, I almost burned the apartment complex down while attempting to broil steak. I noticed an inordinate amount of smoke coming from the oven, opened it up and saw - yep - flames. Flames that reared up when it got a taste of oxygen. I yelped and B came over and asked "what's going on?" The best I could muster was "Fire in the hole?" with a pained expression.
"Should I get the fire extinguisher?"
B runs outside to get the fire extinguisher, notices it's one of those that requires you to break the glass first, and has second thoughts. He comes back in so we can discuss whether an extinguisher is really necessary. We discuss the merits of baking soda. We peek at the fire a couple of times to confirm that, yes, there is still a fire in the oven. I run about with my hands on my head in a personification of panic. We peek again at the fire and it has gone out. We decide to remove the steak from the oven.
"Should we eat it?"
"Looks OK to me."
No joke, this was the best steak I have EVER made.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Since the auto body shop now tells me that due to "hidden damage" to my car's condenser and absorber, the car will be in the shop for even longer and repairs will cost even more (no skin off my back since Office Depot's insurance is paying for it). Unfortunately that means I'm stuck driving this terrible piece of crap Dodge Caliber, aka The Murder-Mobile, thusly named due to its many mysterious brown/red interior stains and disgusting fart/cigarette odor.
I think I will have to trade it in for something else on Monday but for now I find myself behaving quite disrespectfully to the car, going full speed over speed bumps, slamming it into park/drive/reverse/whatever and jamming my foot on the gas, leaving it unlocked when I park it because I hope it will be stolen, stuff like that.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Perhaps I've already blogged about this but it amuses me still so I must repeat it. The place that's repairing my car has a slogan: "Making the best of a bad situation."
I mean, really? First of all, who at that company decided a slogan was necessary? And then instead of something that inspires confidence, like "Top Notch Service" or "Excellent Workmanship," they come up with something that only leaves questions to be answered. I mean, I understand they're trying to say they're sorry you were in an accident and now they're going to do all they can to help you with that. But aren't they also saying they're sorry you're stuck with them since your insurance carrier receives discounts from only a certain number of auto body repair shops in San Jose and this one happens to be the closest one to your office? Hmmm.
Anyway, a word to the wise: Apparently there is a Cisco convention in SF right now, and 40,000 people have flown in for the event, every single one of whom obviously rented a car because it took me an hour to get a rental today, and I had a reservation. And once the car finally got there, it looked as though it was extremely possible someone had committed murder in it and that Enterprise used exactly two paper towels trying to clean it up. Few things disgust me more than mysterious stains in rental cars and motel rooms.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Today we started the southbeach diet again. So far it has been a very boring day full of zero carbs. Well stepping on the scale this morning wasn't boring. It was pretty astounding actually. I think I actually gained 5 lbs over the weekend because I gorged myself, knowing that I would be starting this diet today. Amazing how I can pack it on. Stepping onto the scale on Day 2 is always surprising and a little frightening because usually around 5 or 6 lbs of waterweight slides off that first day. Very strange.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Today I bought a pair of heels for $10.81. It was very exciting.

Also today a friend said the word "gazpacho" but really meant "gestapo." I didn't correct her.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Today I wrote an email to everyone in my office that began, "To my utter horror..."
Which made Creative Me happy but made Sensible Me cringe later in the realization that people are probably rolling their eyes while reading my email via blackberry.
Also today: I have walked 11,086 steps so far, which is like 7,000 more than I usually walk. I am wearing my pedometer. You're supposed to walk at least 10,000 steps a day to be somewhat healthy, I guess...
Also today: Brendan's company was on this crazy stock show called "Mad Money," and the host is swearing up and down that it's going to blow when it IPOs this summer. I am afraid to get excited...

Sunday, July 08, 2007

I'm stealing a topic that, by all rights, should be Christina's, since she's the one who said it. But here's the story: We were playing Baseball Cards, a fantastically hilarious game wherein all players hold several baseball cards, circa 1975-1995. When it's your turn, you choose a "best," such as "best pooping face," which is close to a best we had last night -- I think it was "best guy who needs to poop." Anyway at some point we had a "best child molester," and most of us disposed of our creepiest looking players. And then we had a "best Mormon," and Christina lamented that she'd disposed of her best Mormon during the best child molester round.
It was very, very funny.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Surprise, surprise, I'm linking to one of my favorite columnists yet again:
The irony of this week's column is that I was literally JUST THINKING about the topic of self grooming/maintenance because Christina mentioned she was going to get her brows waxed and I was later staring forlornly at my toes and thinking they're sorely overdue for some new paint, not to mention some shaving of the big toe region. I'd also mentioned to Christina it's been at least 6 months since I've had my hair done, and in reality after thinking about it, it's been closer to 9 months, which is sort of sad. I want to be the sort of person who consistently does SOMETHING in her life but the sad fact is the only thing I consistently do is eat, and perhaps shower. I mean, how can someone who sort of half-caringly notices the same hairball behind the scale in the bathroom every day for two weeks really be going to get her hair highlighted every couple of months? Seriously.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Last night for the first time ever, I watched the 4th of July fireworks on TV. Since it was blazing hot yesterday we had all of the windows open and since the broadcast was live, we could actually hear each firework after watching it go off on the TV. This does not bode well for me and my becoming old before my time.

Monday, July 02, 2007

I think Isaiah Washington has lost his mind. Or maybe it's just diarrhea of the mouth.