So I admit it -- I've just caught the last 10 minutes of Paris Hilton on Larry King Live (and now Anderson Cooper is doing a recap as I type this). I feel sort of ashamed of myself for watching this. I consider Paris pretty much the biggest fake walking this planet, she's really Antichrist material as far as I'm concerned. I shouldn't be supporting the media's incessant coverage of her every move. But I can't stop!! It's completely absurd. I mean, Larry King literally just said something like, "That's a wrap for tonight with Paris Hilton. Tomorrow, Colin Powell." Um. Paris Hilton one night and Colin Powell the next?? Are you F-ing kidding me? There are even stories about the stories about Paris Hilton. Even stories about the people who AREN'T doing stories on Paris Hilton. US Weekly, for instance, opted to NOT put her on the cover this Friday, which is pretty much unheard of. What would get her back on the cover (some hard-hitting reporter asked)? If she were to get pregnant, they say.
God forbid that demon spawn a child.
So moving right along, Brendan and I returned yesterday from our little family vacay in Lewiston (excuse me, they are replaying footage of Paris running happily in stilettos from her prison cell into the waiting arms of her mother. VOMIT!). My parents had brought along their friend Karen, who just lost her husband to cancer in March and her two kids, ages 5 and 7. These kids are freaking adorable and hilarious. At one point Brendan asks the five year old if he needs to go potty because he's holding onto his junk, and he says no, he's fine. So his brother explains loudly that he's "always touching his penis!" And saying PENIS in the way that only a young child can really say it, with perfect clarity and volume, to make sure you understand he is saying PENIS and not something else. After that it was all over. The 7 year old declared it was time to play "Whoever gets hit in the privates is OUT." So a lot of socking each other in the privates with a Curious George doll ensued (it's a lot funnier than it sounds) except that no one was ever actually out and everyone continued to get hit in the privates until the kids tired of it.
The next day they declared it was time to play "Runaway Kid," which they'd renamed from the original version, which was called "Runaway Slave." They'd apparently had a school play about a runaway slave, hence the game. Their mom thought it best if they say "kid" in public rather than "slave."
So to bring this thing full circle, someone Anderson Cooper is interviewing just accused him of not liking Paris and he stammers, well, I don't know... I just don't... I just don't understand her! Thank you. My sentiments exactly.