Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Bachelor Happenings

All right! Another season of The Bachelor has rolled its way into primetime programming, and here I am once again to nickname all of those annoying bitch gold diggers who go on that show.
Allow me to begin. First, let it be known that approximately 50% of the contestants are named Tiffany. The other half are named Stephanie. Oh, ye children of the late 70s and early 80s!!
Here we go:
Sorority (Real name - Peyton. She's a professional sorority recruiter, somehow)
The Home Team (Real name Bevin (whawhawhat?), she's from Palo Alto)
Slutsky McCoy (Real name Kate. She wore a skirt so short you could see into the last century.)
Toothy (Real name Alexis. Enough said)
Dead Boyfriend (Real name Danielle. She felt compelled to tell the new Bachelor, Andy, about her college boyfriend who died)
The Dark Horse (Real name Amber. I just named her the Dark Horse because I like the sound of it and didn't have a better name. To her credit, she hasn't yet made a fool of herself.)
Tiffany. Enough said.
Divorce (Real name Tessa. Another who felt compelled to tell Andy about her parents' divorce. She's from SF, so her second name could be The Home Team Part II)
No eyebrows. (Real name Nicole. Enough said.)
Paris Part II. (Susan. Enough said.)
Amanda. Another who has managed not to tarnish her name quite yet.
Paris Part I. (Real name Erin, unfortunately. Enough said.)
Anthem (Real name Tina. She felt the need to sing the Star Spangled Banner to Andy. God knows why.)
Flip. (Real name Stephanie. She did a flip.)

There are no favorites yet but I'll keep you apprised of the situation.


  1. Hahahahaha. My favorite is Slutsky McCoy. These are so good, I might actually tune in!

  2. You should tune in! It's really just another ANTM but they're older and more desperate so it's sadder, hence more amusing.

  3. You forgot crazy eyes. She unfortunately got eliminated the first day.