Thursday, November 20, 2014

Biters and walkers*

Have I already said Graham is a scooter who never crawled? Nary did the tyke crawl, having chosen instead to scoot around on his butt like a human Roomba. Seriously, check out my Instagram for a hyperlapsed video of him scooting around our living room that makes me howl with laughter every time I see it. I should spray his pants with Lysol and get a little cleaning out of the deal (oldest joke on the planet -- feel free to roll your eyes extremely hard).

When he began his scooting, his pediatrician said it was fine as long as he was using all of his limbs equally. I smiled and nodded but the fact is he does not -- he tucks his left leg and pulls himself along with his right leg and his arms. Damn, I'm giggling just thinking about it. I wasn't super worried because Graham was also showing a lot of interest in learning to walk. But me and my husband were ever so slightly worried and it was all the fault of the Real Housewives of New York, which as everyone knows is the best version of that franchise.

Anyway one of the new housewives, Kristen (delightfully batshit nuts btw), has a daughter who scooted just like Graham and she ended up needing therapy and orthotics to correct muscular issues. Damn you, television! I would live an almost worry-free existence without you! Although, yo, Facebook, you are running a close second, what with your links to articles about moms who die in childbirth, so thanks for that, you dick.

So I was darn happy today when my son was like Hello I would like to walk unassisted now, and he just took off, over and over, teetering and tottering and grinning and laughing hysterically and falling but getting back up to try again. Hot damn that kid is something else.

*reference to "The Walking Dead" fully intentional.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

NaBloPoMo Reject

I did not post yesterday! Ha!

I am in party planning hell, yo. Which means my tiny infant boy who I just gave birth to last week (it seems like) is about to turn 1 year old.

So things have been nuts.

And I wasn't planning to post tonight, but my husband was all: Are you going to write a post? Me: No. Him: WHAT? You didn't write a post last night so now you have to write two tonight. Me: That is not happening, bossman.


Anyway, that is all that is happening. Except for I am also reading Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl and so far it reads like a young girl's mostly funny sexual awakening. I am wondering if that's all the book is about, which is fine I guess, but I am pretty sure there are other interesting things about her, too.

'Tis all.

Good night.

Monday, November 17, 2014

On weaning

Certain unnamed parties continue to ask: Are you still breastfeeding?

Answer: Yes.

Did I imagine I'd still be breastfeeding my kid when he was nearly a year old? No. Then why am I still doing it? Because my child has a very strong association with breastfeeding and sleep. And a sleeping baby is a baby I like. (Secondary reasons: My child is skinny and needs the calories, and has a sensitivity to dairy, so I can't just switch to cow's milk.)

Also, FYIzers, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least 12 months, and the World Health Organization recommends 2 years (*gulp*).

I do feel a little defensive about still breastfeeding. There's a stigma against moms who breastfeed past age 1, no matter what anyone says. It just makes people uncomfortable to see toddlers breastfeeding. It's like people think, Well, if you're still doing it at 1, next thing you know the kid's gonna have a tumbler of scotch in one hand and mom's boob in the other.

But, there's good news. I do want to wean my little milk hound. Particularly now that he's got TEETH.

I realize most babies begin teething around 6 months, but I got a reprieve and Graham didn't get his first tooth until 10 1/2 months. But they started popping in one after the other and now it's basically like trying to feed a puppy, with those little needle teeth. Today, for example, he bit one boob, unintentionally, and I yelped, scaring him. Then he bit the other one and somehow I gulped back a yell but it hurt so bad tears sprang to my eyes. There is never a time when my boobs do not hurt a little bit.

So believe me, no one is more ready for this child to wean than I am. But also -- I think I'm gonna need a lot of luck to make it happen.